357 Pages · 1.90 mb ·
Henry Cloud
Self-improvement Editor's Picks Most Popular
- Cover (Page 1) - Contents (Page 6) - Acknowledgments (Page 7) - Part One - What Are Boundaries? (Page 9) - 1. A Day in a Boundaryless Life (Page 11) - 6:00 A.M. (Page 11) - 6:45 A.M. (Page 13) - 7:45 A.M. (Page 13) - 8:45 A.M. (Page 13) - 11:59 A.M. (Page 14) - 4:00 P.M. (Page 15) - 4:30 P.M. (Page 15) - 5:15 P.M. (Page 17) - 6:30 P.M. (Page 17) - 7:00 P.M. (Page 18) - 7:45 P.M. (Page 19) - 11:30 P.M. (Page 19) - 11:50 P.M. (Page 22) - What’s the Problem? (Page 22) - 2. What Does a Boundary Look Like? (Page 25) - Invisible Property Lines and Responsibility (Page 27) - Me and Not Me (Page 27) - To and For (Page 28) - Good In, Bad Out (Page 29) - God and Boundaries (Page 30) - Examples of Boundaries (Page 31) - What’s Within My Boundaries? (Page 36) - 3. Boundary Problems (Page 47) - Compliants: Saying “Yes” to the Bad (Page 47) - Avoidants: Saying “No” to the Good (Page 50) - Controllers: Not Respecting Others’ Boundaries (Page 51) - Nonresponsives: Not Hearing the Needs of Others (Page 55) - Functional and Relational Boundary Issues (Page 57) - 4. How Boundaries Are Developed (Page 59) - Boundary Development (Page 60) - Bonding: The Foundation of Boundary Building (Page 61) - Separation and Individuation: The Construction of a Soul (Page 63) - Hatching: “Mommy and Me Aren’t the Same” (Page 65) - Practicing: “I Can Do Anything!” (Page 66) - Rapprochement: “I Can’t Do Everything” (Page 68) - Boundary Injuries: What Goes Wrong? (Page 72) - 5. Ten Laws of Boundaries (Page 81) - Law #1: The Law of Sowing and Reaping (Page 82) - Law #2: The Law of Responsibility (Page 84) - Law #3: The Law of Power (Page 85) - Law #4: The Law of Respect (Page 87) - Law #5: The Law of Motivation (Page 88) - Law #6: The Law of Evaluation (Page 91) - Law #7: The Law of Proactivity (Page 93) - Law #8: The Law of Envy (Page 95) - Law #9: The Law of Activity (Page 97) - Law #10: The Law of Exposure (Page 98) - 6. Common Boundary Myths (Page 101) - Myth #1: If I Set Boundaries, I’m Being Selfish (Page 101) - Myth #2: Boundaries Are a Sign of Disobedience (Page 103) - Myth #3: If I Begin Setting Boundaries, I Will Be Hurt by Others (Page 105) - Myth #4: If I Set Boundaries, I Will Hurt Others (Page 108) - Myth #5: Boundaries Mean That I Am Angry (Page 109) - Myth #6: When Others Set Boundaries, It Injures Me (Page 113) - Myth #7: Boundaries Cause Feelings of Guilt (Page 116) - Myth #8: Boundaries Are Permanent, and I’m Afraid of Burning My Bridges (Page 118) - Part Two - Boundary Conflicts (Page 119) - 7. Boundaries and Your Family (Page 121) - Signs of a Lack of Boundaries (Page 122) - But Why Do We Do That? (Page 128) - Resolution of Boundary Problems with Family (Page 131) - 8. Boundaries and Your Friends (Page 135) - Conflict #1: Compliant/Compliant (Page 135) - Conflict #2: Compliant/Aggressive Controller (Page 137) - Conflict #3: Compliant/Manipulative Controller (Page 139) - Conflict #4: Compliant/Nonresponsive (Page 140) - Questions about Friendship Boundary Conflicts (Page 142) - 9. Boundaries and Your Spouse (Page 148) - Is This Yours, Mine, or Ours? (Page 148) - Applying the Laws of Boundaries to Marriage (Page 153) - But That Doesn’t Sound Submissive (Page 158) - A Question of Balance (Page 160) - Resolution (Page 162) - 10. Boundaries and Your Children (Page 165) - The Importance of Family (Page 166) - Boundaries and Responsibility (Page 167) - Instilling vs. Repairing Boundaries (Page 168) - Boundary Development in Children (Page 168) - The Boundary Needs of Children (Page 171) - Seasonal Boundaries: Age-Appropriate Limits Training (Page 182) - Types of Discipline (Page 189) - 11. Boundaries and Work (Page 191) - Work and Character Development (Page 192) - Problems in the Workplace (Page 193) - Finding Your Life’s Work (Page 204) - 12. Boundaries and Your Self (Page 206) - Our Out-of-Control Soul (Page 207) - Why Doesn’t My “No” Work? (Page 213) - Establishing Boundaries with Yourself (Page 217) - If You Are a Victim (Page 224) - Boundaries as an Aid to the Victim (Page 225) - 13. Boundaries and God (Page 226) - Respecting Boundaries (Page 227) - Respecting His Boundaries (Page 229) - Respecting His Own (Page 232) - A Real Relationship (Page 232) - Part Three - Developing Healthy Boundaries (Page 235) - 14. Resistance to Boundaries (Page 237) - Outside Resistance (Page 238) - Internal Resistances (Page 250) - 15. How to Measure Success with Boundaries (Page 267) - Step #1: Resentment—Our Early-Warning Signal (Page 268) - Step #2: A Change of Tastes—Becoming Drawn to Boundary-Lovers (Page 270) - Step #3: Joining the Family (Page 272) - Step #4: Treasuring Our Treasures (Page 273) - Step #5: Practicing Baby No’s (Page 275) - Step #6: Rejoicing in the Guilty Feelings (Page 276) - Step #7: Practicing Grownup No’s (Page 277) - Step #8: Rejoicing in the Absence of Guilty Feelings (Page 279) - Step #9: Loving the Boundaries of Others (Page 280) - Step #10: Freeing Our No and Our Yes (Page 280) - Step #11: Mature Boundaries—Value-Driven Goal Setting (Page 282) - 16. A Day in a Life with Boundaries (Page 285) - 6:00 A.M. (Page 285) - 6:45 A.M. (Page 286) - 7:15 A.M. (Page 286) - 7:30 A.M. (Page 287) - 8:45 A.M. (Page 287) - 11:59 A.M. (Page 288) - 4:00 P.M. (Page 289) - 4:30 P.M. (Page 290) - 5:15 P.M. (Page 290) - 6:30 P.M. (Page 290) - 7:00 P.M. (Page 291) - 7:45 P.M. (Page 292) - 9:30 P.M. (Page 292) - 10:15 P.M. (Page 293) - Notes (Page 295) - About the Authors (Page 297) - Excerpts From Other Books (Page 298) - Boundaries in Marriage (Page 299) - 1. What's a Boudary, Anyway? (Page 300) - The Importance of Boundaries (Page 301) - Ownership (Page 303) - Responsibility (Page 305) - Freedom (Page 307) - The Triangle of Boundaries (Page 309) - Protection (Page 310) - Self-Control (Page 312) - Examples of Boundaries (Page 313) - Words (Page 313) - Truth (Page 314) - Consequences (Page 315) - Emotional Distance (Page 316) - Physical Distance (Page 316) - Other People (Page 317) - Time (Page 318) - Stephanie (Page 318) - Boundaries with Kids (Page 321) - 1. The Future is Now (Page 322) - Preventive Medicine (Page 325) - Children Are Not Born with Boundaries (Page 327) - The Three Roles of a Parent (Page 328) - Guardian (Page 328) - Manager (Page 329) - Source (Page 330) - Learning to Take Responsibility (Page 331) - Boundaries in Dating (Page 333) - 1. Why Boudaries in Dating? (Page 334) - No Kids Allowed (Page 334) - Problems in Freedom and Responsibility (Page 335) - What Are Boundaries? (Page 336) - A Property Line (Page 336) - The Functions of Boundaries (Page 337) - Examples of Boundaries (Page 337) - What’s Inside Your Boundaries (Page 338) - How Boundary Problems Show Themselves (Page 339) - Loss of Freedom to Be Oneself (Page 339) - Being with the Wrong Person (Page 339) - Dating from Inner Hurt Rather Than Our Values (Page 339) - Not Dating (Page 339) - Doing Too Much in the Relationship (Page 340) - Freedom without Responsibility (Page 340) - Control Issues (Page 340) - Not Taking Responsibility to Say No (Page 340) - Sexual Impropriety (Page 340) - Take-Away Tips (Page 341) - The Mom Factor (Page 342) - 1. What About Mom, Anyhow? (Page 343) - What's Wrong? (Page 344) - Does it Have to be This Way? (Page 346) - Two Considerations (Page 347) - Your Mom (Page 348) - Leftover Feelings (Page 348) - Patterns of Relating (Page 350) - The Mothering Process (Page 351) - Responding to Mothering (Page 353) - Our Assumptions (Page 354) - About the Publisher (Page 356)